Insecurities
by emmettlover09
Summary: Bella is insecure after giving birth to her daughter, and it puts a strain on the once perfect marriage of Edward and Bella. Will Edward find gratification elsewhere, or will he stay and try to make Bella feel beautiful again? Follow the ups and downs of their marriage as they try to find the love they once shared. All Human. Rated M for language and possible lemons.
1. The Fight

**Hello! By clicking this titles you make me very happy :) I have written other fanfiction stories which I have chose not to continue writing. I do, however, have great passion for this story. I hope you enjoy it very much! **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight series, I do not. **

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Once again I had retreated to the bathroom to avoid another fight. Tears were streaming down my face, and I couldn't get my body to stop shaking. I gathered together my robe and tied it tight, hiding the lingerie I had put on tonight.

"Bella open up the god damn door. Stop hiding from the problem and just come out here and talk to me." Edward didn't stop pounding on the door.

Finally, I gave up and opened the door, breezing past him. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? So stop hounding me about it." I got past him before he tugged on my arm, urging me back towards him.

"Why the hell did you put on the sexy ass outfit, tease the hell out of me, and then run away crying?" Another round of tears started spilling from my eyes. "Great, I made you cry again." I shook my head; it wasn't his fault for how I felt.

"Because I look like a fat pig," I mumbled quietly and quickly.

"Come again?" He gripped the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger; the telltale sign of Edward getting pissed off.

"I look like a fucking fat pig, alright? There, I told you." I looked down at my feet before starting my explanation. "I haven't even lost a quarter of my baby weight. My stomach is a flabby mess." I opened up my robe as evidence. "How am I supposed to wanna have sex and feel sexy when I look disgusting?"

Cue typical Edward response. He rolled his eyes at me. "You look fine. What do you do all day anyways? You could actually use the exercise room I put in the house for you, instead of it just collecting dust. God Bella, do something about it, because I sure as hell can't keep taking cold showers after you bail on me every night like this."

"You really think I do nothing all day long? I'm sorry that I take care of our daughter all day Edward, and cook you dinner, and clean the house after you leave your shit all over. I can't just go work out when our four month old needs me. Maybe I could work out if my husband didn't work all fucking day and night at the hospital. Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, you could see your daughter while she's actually awake, opposed to midnight when you finally get home? God forbid you feed her or change her diaper or even play with her.

I was seething; my voice screaming at him reflected it. He was so dense and though everything could be magically fixed. I couldn't wait to see what his next genius response was.

"I'm taking care of our family financially, so that daughter that you take care of can go to college, as well as any future children we may have. I wouldn't have to work such long hours if you actually had a job, instead of quitting yours while you were still pregnant with Sophie." If he continued to be such an ass we wouldn't have to worry about future children…

"First of all, we don't need the extra money. You're a fucking doctor whose parents paid for most of med-school, so we don't need your extra cash that you bring in. Secondly, I worked up until two days before I gave birth to Sophie, because I loved my job, despite what you may think. I never wanted to quit, but you didn't want to burden our mothers all day taking care of Sophie, or hire a nanny while we worked, so I took the responsibility on myself and quite. I get no help around here, so don't expect pity from me about having to work more. You want me to feel sexy for you, there you go. Work less, and maybe I'll have time to get back to the body I really want." I heard faint cries on the baby monitor. "Great, now we woke up Sophie. I'll go get her; I wouldn't want to inconvenience you or anything."

I walked out without another word and took a deep breath before entering our daughter's room. I fed her an hour ago, so she couldn't be hungry. Her diaper was clean and everything else was fine. She must have heard our screaming match going on down the hallway. "Hi baby. I'm so sorry we woke you up. We'll just sit down in the rocking chair and you'll be back to sleep in no time." Motherhood had made my mommy voice become very prominent.

I picked up Sophie and carried her over to the rocking chair that sat in the corner. Many nights I sat here rocking her to sleep, waiting for Edward to finally come home. "Go to sleep my angel, everything is fine for now." I kissed her brown head of curls, before closing my eyes and rocking the chair back and forth.

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	2. Disappoinments

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After our fight, Edward had changed. He no longer worked longer hours and played with Sophie. He occasionally even cooked dinner, but I had a feeling it wasn't for the better. After dinner Edward would go over to his brother Emmett's bar and hang out there, just long enough to come home after I was asleep. He wasn't drunk, but I figured he just needed to get out of the house, away from me. This didn't make me feel any better about myself either.

I thought that maybe this was a phase after the fight, but it only got worse. I noticed that Edward started to put on cologne before work, even though he clearly didn't need it. Then when he went to the bar at night, he put gel in his hair and put on more cologne. Sometimes he wore nice clothes to, which I didn't understand why he would wear a button down, collared shirt to a bar.

I blamed myself for being stupid and driving Edward away. I thought that maybe if I started to lose the weight, maybe Edward would take notice and want me. I knew I finally looked sexy when he took interest again.

Everyday I would take Sophie out in her stroller for a walk, and everyday I would include many hills, great for my weight loss goal. These walks were beneficial to me in another way, since Sophie would fall asleep during them, and I could do housework while she napped.

Today was another story though. Sophie had kept me up half the night, crying and sleeping restlessly. Of course Edward had to be up for work at 5 a.m., so I naturally took the job of caring for Sophie, all night. She was wide awake this morning too at 5.a.m., and surprisingly Edward brought her in to be fed. I thanked him and waited for my kiss goodbye, but one never came.

To say I was hurt was an understatement. I confided in my husband with something that I thought he would at least try to understand, but apparently he just couldn't forget our little fight.

Sophie and I went about our schedule as normal as possible, without a walk today. I changed diapers, fed her, let her take a nap, and then I decided to do what I had feared. I stepped on the scale for the first time since our fight, and was pleased with the results. I had dropped 20 total pounds in the last two months. I was hoping it was the jump start Edward and I needed to reconnect and start fresh.

Sophie was nearing six months old, and I wanted to throw her a party and get the family together. I wanted to talk to Edward about it first, so I went up to his office, which was his hideout spot when he wasn't out with Emmett or playing with Sophie.

I knocked and walked in, seeing Edward typing intensely on his computer. "Hey Edward, can I talk to you for a second?" He quickly clicked out of the page and turned around.

"Yeah sure, what about Bella?" He looked tired, and I just wanted to go cuddle up and sleep with him, and get back to who we were before Sophie.

"I want to have a six month birthday party for Soph, and I wanted to know if you thought I'd be a good idea."

He rubbed his face and looked at me. "I don't really care Bella. Just let me know when so I can take off work." Well that wasn't the response I was hoping for…

"I wanted to plan it with you. I was hoping that maybe we could have the party and then plan a mini vacation for just the two of us afterwards. We could ask your parents and mine if they wanted to take care of her. Rose was telling me about a place in the mountains that she and Emmett went to once."

"So you got over the whole feeling fat thing? Finally took my advice and started working out I see." Tears started in my eyes and I blinked them away, not wanting to let it get to me.

"You're such an ass, god Edward. I've been working on my baby weight and finally I am starting to feel comfortable again. So how dare you even say that! You know what? I'm trying here, because I want my husband back. I want to actually talk to you instead of having you avoid me whenever we're around each other. You're not perfect either, so just get over yourself." I left immediately, not wanting to stay in there any more. I started dinner and fed Sophie, only talking to Edward when I said dinner was ready.

As he did every other night, he left, and this time, he didn't even bother to tell me where he was going. I already knew where he was going, he was running away from the problems here just to drink and have fun with his buddies, instead of spending time with his wife and daughter. Who could blame him though? Who'd want to come home to me?

I called Alice, Edward's sister, and Rosalie, Edward's sister-in-law, to come help me plan the party, since Edward wanted no part in it. They came over immediately; both lived for planning parties.

Rose brought over her daughter Lily, who was three, and loved to play with Sophie. While we planned everything out, Lily would bring out some of Sophie's toys, or just sit and listen to Sophie's cute little babbling.

We planned out who would be coming, which was my parents and Edward's along with his siblings and their spouses and children. The theme would be flowers and butterflies, the two most prominent things featured in Sophie's bedroom. We would have a cake, but no candles were needed, seeing as I didn't think they made a candle for a six month birthday party.

The party would be at the house, and we would barbeque in our backyard, go swimming in the pool, and maybe sit by a bonfire later. With all of the party details under wraps, Alice casually asked how Edward and I were, and that's when I broke down.

"Terrible, to say it lightly. We had a fight, and I told him that I still wasn't comfortable with how I looked after Sophie was born, and he was just a pompous ass about it. His advice for me was to stop sitting on my butt all day and start working out for a change. He seems to think that I'm not the only one taking care of Sophie. He worked long hours and I was sick of it. Instead, now he goes and sits at Emmett's sports bar until after I go to sleep. I don't know what's happening to us. I suggested that place in the mountains that Rose and Em went to, but he just asked if I finally got over feeling fat."

To say Rose and Alice were pissed was an understatement. Rose wanted to beat Edward's ass, which she could do no problem.

"Well Emmett has been home almost every night for the last month, so Edward must be finding someone else to hang out with. Em would be sleeping on the couch if he went to the bar every night. That's why after Lily was born we hired a manager to help with everything, so Em would be at home with me." I envied Rosalie and Emmett's relationship. She was so confident and sure of herself, and Emmett knew to never overstep her or do anything she didn't like, because he would pay if he did. I was never an assertive person, so I could never tell him what to do.

Rose and Alice stayed until Edward got home, Sophie and Lily already fast asleep by 11. Alice went to talk to Edward to "catch up", but I knew she really was going just to talk to him about his recent ass hole behavior. Rose left in the meantime, and I took Sophie upstairs to her crib, before crashing in bed, noticing that Edward never joined my side.

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	3. The Party

**Hello hello! I'm very glad that many of you are reviewing and guessing things that may happen in the future. I am not confirming nor denying any aspect of the story, but I encourage predictions. :D **

**I will be bowling in Nationals next week so I am not going to have a chapter done for next week..please forgive me! I hope you enjoy this chapter...please be ready for anything in this story ;)**

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May 25th turned out to be a beautiful day for a party. The sun was shining and the weather was just warm enough where all of our family could go swimming in our pool. I was also happy to see that Edward had taken off of work and tried to help me as much as possible with preparations on the day of the party.

The house and backyard had flowers and butterflies hung everywhere, with pink and white streamers adorning the living room and deck outside.

I had gone to wake up Sophie and get her fed, only to see Edward in their ready to change her diaper and get her dressed.

"I should probably feed her, and then we can get her ready." I said softly, hoping he heard me.

"Yeah, sure. I'll just be downstairs getting the rest of the decorations hung up. Call me when you need me." He gently set her down in my arms after kissing her forehead, and started down the stairs.

I was so glad that he actually showed interest in our family today, instead of just hiding in his office. I hoped the talk that he had with Alice really made a difference.

I sat in the rocking chair and nursed Sophie and called Edward back upstairs when we were finished, only to find him outside the door watching. Edward used to watch me nurse Sophie a lot when we first took her home, finding it fascinating. I knew that he loved when he had the chance to feed her, but I wanted to be able to bond with her as long as possible.

"I'm done feeding her Edward, if you want to get her dressed." He nodded and held out his arms. I kissed her forehead, and handed her off to him. "She's wearing the pink dress that's hanging in the closet."

"I'm sure I can find it." He said, focusing on Sophie as he rocked her back and forth. The doorbell rang, so I ran downstairs, and saw Rose and Emmett on the other side, with a bouncing Lily in Emmett's arms. I ushered them in and we went to the kitchen.

"Edward's upstairs getting Sophie ready, and I was just getting everything else ready. Emmett, would you help Edward grill the burgers when everyone comes?"

"Of course Bells, anything for my little sister." He kissed my head, and gave me his infamous Emmett bear hug. Edward came down the stairs and the doorbell rang again, Alice and Jasper flitting inside the house.

"Hi Ali, nice of you to let yourself in." Edward said, and Alice replied with her stuck out tongue.

"Now give me my gorgeous niece Assward." She reached out her hands and grabbed Sophie, bouncing her up and down. Sophie loved Alice, and started babbling uncontrollably, drool coming out of her mouth. "Sophie, what did I tell you about spitting up on your Auntie Alice?" I handed her a towel, and she wiped off her beautiful face.

While we waiting for my parents and Edward's, the boys went outside and ran around with Lily, tired and beat up by the time the rest of our guests arrived. Lily remained bubbly and happy running circles around her dad and uncles.

Edward and Emmett starting grilling the burgers and chicken while the rest of our guests took a dip in the pool, and I did the finishing touches on the rest of the food. Alice came in to help, and I decided to question her about the talk she and Edward had the night we planned the party.

"We talked about what's been going on lately. I told him to stop being such an ass, and I thought he was going to start crying, so I dropped it. I also told him how Jasper and I were thinking about starting a family." She was grinning ear to ear, and I knew that she would be an excellent mother.

"That's great Ali! I'm so happy for you and Jazz. I find it hard to believe that he was almost in tears though; I mean he's barely talked to me since then. I was shocked when he helped get Sophie ready today."

"He seemed pretty upset with himself though Bella, just give him a chance. Maybe you should find out why he's gone every night. He might just feel bad about something, but who knows. Today is about Sophie, so let's celebrate your wonderful little girl." Maybe just talking, not fighting was what Edward and I needed.

Just as lunch finished up on the grill, our families played pass the baby around, each fighting for a chance to hold her. My dad Charlie, the police chief, was wrapped around Sophie's little finger. He turned to mush every time he held her, and couldn't get enough of grandpa-Sophie time.

The food was delicious, and we started towards presents, although I told everyone that we didn't need anything for her, they all insisted.

I held Sophie and let her try to pull off the paper, which turned out to be unsuccessful until I ripped off a piece or two.

My parents provided a few more outfits and a teddy bear, while Esme and Carlisle got a few bottles and teething rings, something that we were bound to use soon. My breastfeeding days were numbered, and Sophie would start teething soon enough, something I didn't look forward to.

Unfortunately, the rain started and a bonfire wasn't possible. Our family went home, and I went upstairs to bathe Sophie after some frosting from the cake got all over her face.

Unfortunately my poor baby hated baths, and she cried the entire time, not stopping until Edward scooped her out and dried her off. I fed her and burped her, before handing her off to Edward, as he rocked her to sleep.

I walked into Sophie's room as he was setting her in the crib. "Edward, could we talk?" I asked softly. He nodded.

"I'll be out in a second. I'll meet you in our room."

Once he arrived in our room, I patted the bed, and he sat down next to me.

"I think the party went well, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I think she enjoyed it. I think it was a good idea to have it; I probably wouldn't have thought of throwing the party. So, what did you want to talk about?"

"I just wanna say how nice it was to have you helping out today. I just think it'd be a big help if you stayed home more. I don't think it's too much to ask to give up a few nights of going to the bar."

"I can stay home if you want Bella. I didn't know you wanted me here. I felt like it was harder and more tense just being here. I'll try to stay home more, but I still need some night outs. You can go out with the girls some nights to, you know?"

"If you wouldn't mind taking care of Sophie for a few hours..." I mumbled. I used to have girls nights all the time, but that was before we had a daughter at home.

"I can stay here, just let me know when you want to go out. I just wanna say something Bella. I'm really sorry for being such an ass to you; I was just dealing with some things. Forgive me?"

"Of course Edward. You can trust me with whatever you are thinking or dealing with okay? I'm always here to listen."

"I'll keep that in mind. I love you Bella." My heart exploded. I had longed to hear those words for so long. He kissed me on the lips, and pulled me into his chest, hugging me and making me feel safe. Maybe things were turning for the better…

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	4. The Calm Before the Storm

**Hello! Sorry this update took forever, I was gone for a week. Hope this chapter keeps you guessing! Thanks for reading!**

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I woke up the next morning and heard the shower running, seeing it was almost time for Edward to leave for work today. When he got out of the shower, I heard his phone start to ring loudly. He quickly answered it and talked quietly.

"No, I can't come over tonight." More silence followed. "I just can't. Look this has got to stop; I'm not going to keep doing this anymore. We'll talk about it when I get there this morning okay?" He snapped the phone shut and left the bathroom, walking in our closet and getting ready for work.

Sophie started whimpering on the baby monitor, and I yawned sleepily, deciding to get out of bed and tend to her. Edward saw me awake and strode over to me.

"I'll get her before I leave. Just go back to sleep. I'll be home for dinner tonight." He kissed me sweetly on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you too. Have a good day at work." He kissed my cheek and left. I soon heard him humming to Sophie as he changed her diaper. I knew he'd left when I heard his car leave the garage, and start driving down the street.

I was curious who he'd been talking to in the bathroom. It had to be someone at the hospital, since he said that he'd see them this morning. I didn't worry too much because I knew if it really bothered him he'd talk to me about it, and I left it at that.

Sophie let me have two more hours of sleep before she started wailing her hungry cry, and I sprung out of bed and went to her room.

Her cries started even louder, and she started kicking her legs, before I picked her up and cuddled her to my chest.

She started to nuzzle against my breast, and I knew that she must have been very hungry. I slipped off my top and Sophie latched on immediately, sucking greedily. We rocked in the rocking chair, and I ran my fingers through her beautiful tuft of hair, being the color of Edward's, a lovely bronze.

After she finished I burped her, and sat with her cuddled in my arms. I couldn't believe how gorgeous of a little girl Edward and I had created. She was perfect; she never fussed and loved to be cuddled. When she was a newborn we didn't even have any problems with colic.

I knew that she would start teething soon enough, and I was ready for the hassle that came with it. Her teething would be a piece of cake if Edward kept to his promise and stayed home instead of hiding out in the bar.

I knew Edward and I had a lot more to discuss and figure out, but I was willing to just enjoy us again. I felt like a surprise visit to Edward was necessary, and cooked him his favorite food, lasagna, and packed it up, and drove towards the hospital with Sophie strapped in her car seat.

The nurses at the hospital knew me well, and told me that Edward was out of surgery and in his office. After a few bounced Sophie around I put her back in her carrier and on we went to Edward's office.

Edward was the head of cardiology at the hospital where he worked and was also a surgeon. The heads of the departments got their own offices, and Edward's was quite large and homey. Alice made sure to decorate it to the best of her abilities, and even got it cleared to paint a real looking heart on his wall.

As I approached it, the door was closed and loud voices were heard. I didn't want to interrupt, so I sat there for a brief moment before seeing a beautiful woman storm out, looking like a force to be reckoned with.

I walked into his office, setting Sophie down and holding up my hands and the food. "I come in peace." I said with a smile.

"What a nice surprise, who's that cute little baby with you?"

"Oh, just some adorable little girl I found sitting on our doorstep. She came with lasagna." He smiled largely, and his mouth looked like it was about to water any second. I knew I'd hit the sweet spot, bringing his daughter and his favorite dish, lasagna.

"Bring me my baby, Cullen." I unstrapped her and scooped her out; setting her into Edward's arms

He placed kisses on her head before lifting up her shirt and blowing raspberries on her pudgy tummy. I let him play with her while I set out our lunch on the floor, creating a picnic of sorts.

Sophie had her food before we left, so she rolled around on the soft carpet, babbling away in her baby talk. Edward moaned as he ate his food, deeming it the most delicious in the world.

"So what was that fight about when I came in? She seemed upset." I questioned, feeding a bite of lasagna into his mouth.

"I took her off a surgery and put another doctor on it. She didn't seem to like that very much, but I told her that it is what it is, and she stormed out. The thing is she had a long surgery in the morning, so I didn't want her to have another in the afternoon, so I switched it. Oh well, at least everything is better now."

I smiled, and we continued eating our lunch. Edward wanted to show off his favorite girl to the whole department, so he slung Sophie on his hip and brought her around the floor.

I tagged along and talked with some of the other doctors. The same woman who was arguing with Edward was glaring at me the entire time, looking pissed off about something. I steered clear of her, and continued socializing with the rest of the nurses.

Edward had surgery in an hour, so we left, not before Edward placed a passionate kiss on my lips. The pissed off woman just glared more, and I left quickly, blushing the entire way.

Sophie and I continued our day as normal, and I started dinner just before Edward got home. He was home right on time and we enjoyed dinner together for the first time in a long time.

Within the next few weeks, Sophie had started teething. We knew because she was fussier than usual, and was constantly trying to bite her fingers and all of her toys. She also wanted no one besides her daddy, and this made it difficult for me to be with her all day.

One day was particularly bad, and had no comparison to the other days. Sophie woke up fussy today, and no matter what I did, she continued to cry. I tried to give her Tylenol, but it made her cry harder. I put a cold teething ring on her gums, but she just kept trying to spit it out, so I gave up. I tried numerous other things before putting her in her swing chair and laid on the floor in defeat. I ended up calling Edward, who was more than happy to come home due to a slow day on the cardio floor.

He found me lying on the couch crying my eyes out, Sophie mimicking my actions. She was lying in her pack and play now, the swing doing nothing. I figured she might be happy with her toys, but my instincts were wrong again.

"Bella, what's going on?"

I was a blubbering mess, and could barely get out what I wanted to say. "Sophie, she keeps cr-crying. I tr-tried everything and s-she won't st-stop. He placed a kiss on my cheek and went to pick up Sophie, cuddling her in his arms.

"Sophie, why won't you stop crying for your mommy? Let's go get you a cold ring for your little gums." He bounced her up and down on his hip and got the teething ring out of the freezer, placing it on her gums. She chewed greedily and stopped crying, practically smiling in content. It only made me cry harder, upsetting me that I couldn't do one simple thing; comfort my daughter.

"Bella, go take a hot shower and lay in bed for a while. You've had a long day with her. I'll make dinner tonight and take care of Sophie." He kissed me quickly, and I trudged up the stairs upset with myself.

The shower soothed me, and as soon as I got out I could hear Edward's phone buzzing like crazy. Determined to keep my relaxation intact, I picked it up, only to find something shocking. 32 missed calls, and the same amount of texts, piling up. All from the same woman. Kate.

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**So..Who's Kate? Come back soon to find out! Please review, and let me know what you think or who you think it is! **


	5. The Affair

**Hi hello! I know you've been waiting to see who Kate is..hopefully this chapter will give you an answer :) I hope you all love the story so far and will stay with me on this storyline..trust me, I already have a plan for the rest :D Enjoy and review!**

**Also I have a author who would like attention on her new fanfic..it's called MoNsTeR. I haven't personally read it but I'm just putting the word out there and hoping that you all read it and let them know what you think! **

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Immediately I panicked, unsure of whom this Kate was and what she wanted. I figured if it was important, I'd need to know also, so I opened up his phone and started from the very beginning of the texts coming in today. I didn't like what I saw.

'_Edward, I don't know what I did wrong. Call me. XoXo Kate.' _and '_I miss you baby. Come back to me soon.' _ The next text was unbearable. '_You don't have to leave your wife for me. Idk why you wouldn't but just come over and talk to me. Or we don't have to talk at all. Love you.' _

I couldn't read the next 16 I saw, I figured they were all the same. I had to know what she was talking about. Tears streamed down my face, and I sat on the bed and screamed in my pillow, before manning up and walking downstairs towards Edward, his phone in hand.

He was bouncing Sophie on his hip as he stirred the spaghetti sauce on the stove, and I lifted her out of his arms, leaving her in her pack and play in the living room.

"Edward, we need to talk." He continued stirring the sauce, and waited for me to proceed. "Look at me, Edward."

He turned the stove off and turned to me. "Yes, Bella?" Tears started in my eyes again but I refused to let my emotions get the best of me.

"Can you explain why a woman named Kate keeps calling and texting your phone?"

"She's a doctor at the hospital in the cardio wing. There must be an emergency with a patient." I knew he was lying, the scratching of the back of his head, the telltale sign every time he lied.

"I know you're lying Edward. I can read you know, and I read most of the texts she sent today. Are you having an affair with her? That's what the texts sound like at least."

"I've been sleeping with her for three months." He sat down and hung his head. "I ended it after we talked on Sophie's birthday. She's a doctor at the hospital that I slept with once before we started dating. She noticed something was up with me when she came to Emmett's bar one night, and asked me about it. She understood Bella. She listened to me and I slept with her after I got drunk at the bar."

"So why did you keep fucking her Edward?" I was staying strong instead of showing my weak side, determined to not cry.

"Well it's not like coming home was exactly welcoming. You sat around moping about how you weren't sexy and how I didn't appreciate how you take care of everything. Sophie always wanted you anyways, so I sat at the bar and after I met her, I finally felt like someone cared about me. I knew that I had to end it when I realized what I have here. I have a beautiful daughter and a gorgeous wife that I should have been there for instead of being an ass. I'm so sorry Bella."

"You're right; you didn't realize that we wanted you here instead of with her. I can't believe that you slept with someone else Edward! When we got married we promised each other that we would never cheat. You were my first Edward, and that will always stand true, because never have I ever thought about any guy but you. I needed you and confided in you when I felt insecure about myself, and you threw it in my face and slept with some whore who clearly doesn't care about the fact that you're married."

"Bella, I ended it because I realized how stupid I was being. I love being with you and Sophie so much, and I don't know why I thought being with her was better than being at home with you and Sophie. I hope that you can forgive me Bella, because I am truly sorry." He was pleading now, which made what I was about to say ten times harder.

"If you ended it, I can't imagine why she would keep calling you and texting you. Maybe you deserve someone like her that's confident and beautiful, instead of someone like me who needs to be reassured that you love me always. I knew you did, but now I feel like you don't love me or think I'm beautiful anymore. If you slept with her once, I could forgive you.

"But three months Edward? I can't forgive that. I need to think, and that requires you to leave. Now. Get your clothes and just go. I can't even look at you right now. I'll let you know if I want you to come back."

"Bella, please don't do this. We need to work this out. I can't lose you. I love you so much and I see now that I should have been there and told you that every night instead of leaving."

"I want to work this out too, but right now, I want you gone. So please just leave; don't make this any harder than it needs to be. If you want to see Sophie I'll drop her off at your parent's house. Goodbye Edward." I turned around and grabbed Sophie, locking myself in her room while I rocked her to sleep.

I heard him shuffling around in our closet and dresser drawers, gathering clothes and anything he'd need while he was gone. By the time I heard him shut the door, full on tears were falling down my face, and Sophie's face soon mimicked mine.

I managed to call my mom to come over and help take care of Sophie while I got myself together. She saw my tears and didn't ask any questions, going straight to work on making Sophie stop fussing, giving her some baby Tylenol and a teething ring.

Sophie went straight to sleep soon after, and my mom found me in the bedroom crying into my pillow. She waited for me to calm down a little, playing with my hair and rubbing my back.

"Babe, what's wrong? Where's Edward?" I sat up and rubbed my eyes, leaning on her shoulder.

"I told him to leave. He's been sleeping with someone else for three months. He ended it a week ago, but I found texts and calls on his phone from her telling him how he should come back and stuff. So I asked him about it and he told me what he's been doing. I told him to leave, so he packed up and left."

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry sweetie. Is there anything that I can do?"

"Can you just keep an eye on Sophie for the night? Bring her in here if she sounds hungry; I can feed her."

"Okay, if you want dinner or anything else, just let me know." I nodded and laid back down, staring at the walls, and wondering if my life or marriage would ever be the same.

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**Don't hate...just wait and see what happens next :) Please review and let me know what you think of this chapter and how you think the story is going so far :) THANKS! **


	6. The Feelings

**Hello hello hello! I thoroughly enjoyed writing this chapter and couldn't stop once I started. This chapter you get a look into the feelings of Bella, their relationship before he was a dick, and the first meeting after the big fight! Have fun reading, and please remember to send me some love in the review box! :) Also, THANK YOU to a few of my readers for sharing a personal story or two and giving me insight into the life of someone who has been cheated on, it has been used in this chapter and will in the next few ahead! I really, really appreciate it...SOO much! **

**Thanks for reading! **

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Edward called me that night, with me not answering, to tell me that he was staying at his parents, which I figured would be where he was staying. Emmett would have gladly taken him in, except for the fact that Rose told me how she wouldn't let him through the door. She was on my side, and fully agreed that Edward should have stayed and fought for me instead of finding an out. Alice felt the same way, and said that until he learned his lesson, she didn't want to have anything to do with him.

Meanwhile, I was a shell of who I used to be. I hated Edward for what he did, and hated how he tried to justify it instead of just admitting his stupidity and asking what he could do to make me trust him again.

I felt like I could never trust him again. He shattered any trust I had for him the minute he admitted to sleeping with that slut. I couldn't believe that he would ever cheat on me. I had never even felt a fraction of feelings for any other man but Edward. He was my one and only, and I felt utterly and completely lost. I wanted to wallow in self-pity, but then I realized my daughter was more important than anything else, and held onto what little sanity I had left.

Edward had tried to call almost everyday, but I never picked up. I didn't trust myself to talk to him without breaking down and letting him back in. I was staying strong. I missed Edward like crazy though, especially the Edward I knew before we had Sophie, even before we got married.

The Edward I used to know had wooed my when we first met in college. We both had attended the University of Washington in Seattle, and my clumsiness had stumbled right into Edward while I was walking in the quad, with my nose in a book. He had coaxed me into letting him buy me a coffee at the shop down the street, wanting to apologize for "not watching where he was going". I was completely clueless at first, believing his silly excuse, but later on I realized that it was just an excuse to make me go out with him.

I was a sophomore, Edward being a senior, and I still had few friends in Seattle, my current roommate too busy to talk to me; she was better amused by her boyfriend's lips.

I was entranced by Edward, and I loved everything about him. I loved the way he kissed me sweetly, held me tight, was romantic, and always listened to me no matter how long I needed to vent.

Edward's personality drew me in immediately, and I knew on our second date that I was going to marry him some day. I didn't know where that man went. I didn't understand how after everything that we had been through, no matter how many times we said we loved each other or expressed it physically, he could just forget all of that, and sleep with another woman.

When Edward had popped the question, I acted shocked, but I had actually found the ring in his pants pocket that he left lying on the floor. Edward had often forgotten to take things out of his pants pockets when he took them off to shower. When we got married, we had added to our vows that we promised to never cheat, and to always talk to each other about whatever problem we'd had. That had been forgotten as well.

When I got pregnant with Sophie, I thought Edward would be mad, especially because he wanted to wait until his job settled down before we started a family. I had been wrong about that too. The moment I told Edward I thought I was pregnant he rushed to the store to pick up pregnancy tests before I even got to tell him that I'd already bought six. Edward bought six as well, and each one of them ended up positive. He'd cried tears of joy, my emotions matching his, before we made love all night, Edward whispering words of his love for me and his unborn child.

Our marriage had started to strain after Sophie was born. Edward and I hadn't had sex since my eighth month of pregnancy, and it was definitely showing on his part. He got crabby easily, and his long hours at the hospital didn't help any. We fought a lot, especially after I told him how I didn't like how I looked, and that we weren't having sex until I did. I think that's the real reason that he started fucking someone else, not because of all the bullshit answers he gave me. I had to figure out what I needed to do.

It had been a month since I kicked out Edward, and things had not been easy. Sophie's teething was getting even worse, and the fact that she wanted her daddy more than ever wasn't helping. I could just tell that when I picked her up, my arms were not the ones that she wanted holding her. I wasn't sure if I was hearing things, but I thought that she cried harder when I picked her up.

I thought it was finally time for Edward to see her, as well as her grandparents, so I called Carlisle and Esme, and let them know I was on my way over.

Today was Sunday, so I knew for sure that Edward wasn't working, seeing as today was his day off. Sophie was even fussier today than normal, and I knew that seeing her daddy was just the thing to cheer her up.

I was sad to do it, but I weaned Sophie to feeding with a bottle, instead of breast feeding. She was able to hold the bottle herself relatively well, and I knew that my baby was growing up, one milestone at a time. I figured that I should have her see Edward more often also, because she was achieving so much. He would be sad to see that he'd missed these things, but he brought this on himself.

I dressed Sophie and loaded her in my car, and drove off to Edward's parent's house. I was anxious and nervous, not ready to see him even after a month had passed. When I pulled up to their house though, I took a deep breath and walked up to the door, ringing the doorbell and waiting for an answer. Esme quickly ushered me inside, holding her hands out for Sophie and leading me into the living room.

"Hi baby girl. I haven't seen you in awhile!" Esme gave her several kisses before turning her attention to me. "I'll go get Edward and Carlisle." She handed Sophie back to me before disappearing upstairs, coming back quickly with two men behind her.

"Hi Bells." I smiled at him briefly before handing Sophie over. Her whimpers slowly diminished, and she started to smile.

"Her teething has been really bad lately. I can tell that she'd rather have you hold her than me." I mumbled. I looked down at my lap and picked at my nails as he sat on the floor and watched Sophie demonstrate her lovely rolling skills. She then sat up on her own after Edward set her down briefly, and stared at Edward curiously. He mimicked the same look.

"When did she start sitting up on her own? That's new." He picked her up and blew a raspberry on her tummy, earning a beautiful giggle from Sophie.

"About a week ago, I set her down to answer the phone, and she was still sitting up when I came back. I stopped breast feeding altogether too." I thought this information was useful, just to let him know what was happening in the world of our daughter.

A short while later, Esme left the room to start on lunch, and I opted to help her, just being in the same room as Edward was awkward. We fell into a rhythm of cooking the pulled pork sandwiches and tossing the salad.

"I'm so glad you brought her over today Bella. He hasn't smiled like that in forever. He certainly has only sulked around the house when he hasn't been working."

"Well I thought that she should see him; I didn't want to keep her away from her father. As for Edward, I don't regret kicking him out. If he's stupid enough to cheat, then he should be willing to live with the consequences." I thought that her eyes were about to bug out of her head, and then her face turned red.

"He cheated on you? Is that what this is all about?" I thought that Edward would at least tell his mother why I kicked him out, but I guess I thought wrong.

"So he didn't tell you; I should have figured as much. Well that's why I kicked him out. He told me that he'd had an affair with a doctor from the hospital for three months. We were fighting after Sophie was born, for reasons that I think he should tell you." I didn't want to say anymore. Esme was Edward's mother, and it was his responsibility to explain the dirty details of why we weren't living together at the moment. I left her with her thoughts and continued to cut the vegetables for the salad.

Lunch was eaten in silence, with Esme shooting dirty glances at Edward the entire time during lunch. I let Edward feed Sophie, and then Edward handed Sophie to Carlisle, before heading over by me.

"Can we talk Bella? Upstairs?" I nodded and headed upstairs to the library with him, sitting in the comfy chair near the largest set of stacks.

The first time I'd ever been in this room was when Edward brought me home to meet his parents at Thanksgiving. I was so nervous, knowing that Edward looked up to his parents and had a great relationship with them. I wasn't sure how to act around them, and I wasn't sure if they'd like me or not. I'd known that Edward's parents had money, but I didn't expect them to be completely and totally rich. Their house was a mansion, and I was pretty sure that it had at least eight bedrooms, but I'd never seen all of them. The house had a pool and Jacuzzi outside, a library, office, a game room, a wine cellar, theatre room and so on.

I knew Edward's father was a doctor, but I then found out that he wasn't just a doctor, but head of plastic surgery at the hospital. His mother was an interior designer for many celebrity homes, and often made trips to Hollywood to meet with many movie stars and singers. This new information had made me 10 times more nervous.

What I hadn't expected was for his parents to be so nice and loving towards me. His mother was warm and so kind, while his father was constantly smiling and friendly. They accepted me right away, and for that I was grateful.

Edward stared at me curiously as I was brought back to the present. I just shook my head and waited for him to talk. "Bells, I just wanted to," I cut him off.

"Don't call me that." I would only accept that nickname when I liked him, which I most definitely did not at the moment.

"Fine, Bella. I just wanted to say that I'm really glad you brought Sophie over today. I missed seeing her, and I missed you too. I'm just so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you Bella."

"I don't care what you did or didn't mean to do. You shattered my heart Edward. You promised me on our wedding day that you would never cheat."

"Bella, baby, I know that. I feel so bad and I live with this regret every single day, because I don't know _what_ I was thinking. I just want to come back home."

"So why exactly did you cheat on me Edward? I don't believe your bullshit answer that you gave before you left." I stared at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. As much as I didn't want to hear it, I needed to for some sort of reassurance. So I waited for him to come up with a good enough answer.

"That was just a bullshit answer that I came up with before. I really didn't think about it before I slept with her the first time, I just did it. I didn't mean to, she came on to me and I should have been smarter and said no. To the whole thing, I should have said no. But you felt bad about your weight, and with you being stubborn as hell, no matter how many times I told you that I thought you looked beautiful, you wouldn't have believed me. Bella you were gorgeous after you gave birth to Sophie, and I should have told you that a million times. But I didn't, instead I slept with Kate and I'm sorry. I wasn't getting sex at home, and for some reason I thought that I could get it somewhere else without a problem, until you felt good again. Kate was willing to do it, and I just took her up on her offer every time. With her, it was just about sex, nothing else."

"So because I was insecure about myself, you found that it was okay to cheat with someone else. I wasn't putting out because I was eight months pregnant, and then had to wait six weeks to heal, and then I felt like shit about my body. My boobs were huge milk jugs that I couldn't control, my stomach was a flabby mess, and I always wore baggy, disgusting clothes because there was no need to wear fancy ones when I would just get spit up on them. So excuse ME for not wanting to fuck you for a while." I definitely wasn't done. "Thank you though for confirming what I already thought."

"I just want this marriage to work. I love you and want to come home with you and Sophie. You're not considering a divorce are you?"

"You know how I feel about divorce because of my parents, but if it's necessary, then yes, I would consider it, but not now." My parents had divorced when I was six, both saying that they couldn't stay together because they didn't love each other anymore. Being the hopeless romantic I was, I hoped that my parents would get back together everyday. They divorced for two years, before realizing that they still felt the same love for each that they did when they first married. All of their dates and relationships during those two years made them realize it. From then on, I believed that divorce was stupid and unnecessary, because the feelings would still be there after the divorce. I knew my thinking was stupid, but it was what I believed. "If you slept with her one time, I wouldn't have probably kicked you out in the first place. But you kept it up for THREE MONTHS! I. Don't. Trust. You. Anymore. So just wait until I tell you that I actually want you back. Are we done here? I think I'm going to leave." With that, I left the room, and headed downstairs. I briefly said goodbye to Esme and Carlisle, before leaving their house and speeding off back to mine.

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**Leave me a review and let me know how you feel Edward is doing, and if he should be forgiven. I know you will even if I don't ask :) Let me know how you liked the chapter! Bye bye for now! **


	7. Edward's Side of Things

**Hiya! This chapter is EDWARD'S POV! I kinda enjoyed writing this as much as I hated it because it was challenging. As much as he is an ass, I will admit that he has a soul somewhere inside of him. I hope you understand his side of things as well as Bella's and form your opinions from there. Thank you so much for reading, it really is awesome to have a story with over 100 reviews..really didn't think this story would have that much response. All my readers are truly amazing :) **

**Thank you so very much! 3 Sarah**

**P.S PLEASE READ! Edward did cheat on Bella for THREE months, not SIX..it was a typo and is fixed now :)**

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Edward POV

After Bella left, I broke down. I missed my daughter so fuckin' much. How could I be so fucking stupid? My daughter was way more important than anything else, especially fucking around with Kate.

Bella looked so beautiful today. She'd lost all of her baby weight, I noted, and was glowing. Her eyes were red-rimmed, like she'd been crying before she got here. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I'd caused her this pain. She had to take care of Sophie all by herself now, with no one to help her. I suppose that wasn't much different though. I didn't offer her much help even when I was home.

I couldn't fathom how everything got so fucked up. How did I become the person who would cheat on Bella? I loved her, but I sure had a funny way of showing it.

Kate meant nothing to me. The same didn't apply for her though. Kate told me that she loved me millions of times, but I never said it back to her. Love meant so much more to me than just some words said after great sex. Kate was intelligent, but honestly, we barely talked. She would usually find me at the bar, and I would just follow her home, into her bed. Afterwards, I left right away, every time, because I was disgusted with myself. But for some stupid fuckin' reason, I just kept going back.

She wanted me to leave Bella for her. I didn't have the balls to tell her that that was never happening, ever. As stupid as I was acting, I would never want to leave Bella. I loved her too much to let her go. I was being a dumbass, thinking that I could screw Kate on the side and still come home to a loving wife, who was completely oblivious to anything going on.

I literally didn't think about what I was doing, or how it would affect the people in my life, especially Bella and Sophie. I screwed up everything good that I had in my life, and now I didn't know how to get it back. I had to prove to Bella that I realized how much I screwed up, and how she could trust me, because I would never cheat on her again.

I retreated downstairs, not wanting to drown in my thoughts, and sat down in the kitchen where my mom was cleaning. I was curious what the dirty looks at lunch were for.

She ignored me, completely oblivious to the fact that I was even in the same room, let alone the same planet. "Hey mom, what's up?" She hummed to a random tune, and shrugged her shoulders, still not turned towards me.

"Oh I don't know. So what did you and Bella talk about?" She didn't quite know the reason why I was staying her in the first place, so I had to pull something out of my ass.

"Nothing very exciting, we just talked a lot about Sophie and her developments recently. She's really growing up." I hoped that sounded legit enough, and stared down at the table, rubbing at a non-existent spot.

"Well that seems exciting. So your conversation had nothing to do with your infidelity." She continued to whip down the granite countertops. "Don't think I don't know about that Edward." Now she turned around, disappointment brewing in her eyes.

"How'd you find out?" I knew I sounded like an idiot, but it was the first thing I could come up with. By this point, my dad had walked in looking for a snack in the cabinet.

"Bella and I had a nice chat before lunch. She thought that you would have the balls to tell me. Did you know about this Carlisle?" She furiously turned to him, dad looking guilty with a mouth full of cookies.

"Know about what?" He held his hands up, surrendering the rest of the cookies that he held.

"Why Edward was really staying here. Our son was cheating on Bella in case you didn't know." I cut in before my dad had the chance to stick his foot in his mouth.

"I told dad because he insisted on me telling him why Bella kicked me out. I told him that I slept with a doctor at work for three months, and that Bella found out about it after I'd already ended it."

"How did it take her that long to find out Edward? Why didn't you TELL HER? Or better yet, why did this affair even happen in the first place? You and Bella are perfect for each other; I knew that from the first time I met her, and I saw you two together. You guys were practically finishing each other's sentences after dating for two months. How did you get your head so far up your ass that you seemed to forget this?" At that point all I could do was hang my head.

"Oh, and Carlisle, you're sleeping on the couch tonight. You don't ever keep something like that from me ever again. The same goes for you Edward. You cannot lie to me like that. Then again, I might not have let you in after I found out why you were kicked out. So how are you going to fix it?"

I shook my head. "Bella doesn't seem to want to fix it. She says that she doesn't trust me anymore, which I completely understand. I just don't know what to do to fix it."

"Son, if there's anything I've learned in my life it's that trust cannot be fixed. You have to earn Bella's trust back by showing her that when things get tough, you're not going to find another woman to sleep with. Especially since Bella felt so insecure after her pregnancy, she'll especially think about if you two were to have children again. She will most likely feel like you'll find someone else again if she's insecure," said my dad. He knew what he was talking, especially after being married for 32 years to my mother.

Then my mom chose to give her insight. "Edward, unless you're ever cheated on, you will never know how Bella feels. You cannot try to sympathize with her pain, especially because you caused it in the first place. The best thing for you to do right now is to think of Sophie. Be the best dad to her you can be, because if things don't work out with Bella, you will still have to share Sophie for the rest of your lives. You two may have to go to therapy so you can get all your feelings out in the open, but if you want it to work out I think that you two have a shot." She went over to the counter and picked up Sophie's stuffed bunny. "Now go to Bella and figure everything out. I may have taken this out of the diaper bag, but you can thank me later." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and sent me off see Bella.

I drove to our house, rehearsing what I wanted to say to Bella. As soon as I pulled up to the driveway though, my mind went blank. I had nothing more to say than what I had already told her when we upstairs. I knew what Bella really needed was time, and I'd be more than happy to give her that, if it meant that we could stay married in the long run.

So I took the cowardly way out, and left before Bella could see me, leaving Sophie's bunny on the porch steps.

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	8. Decisions and Changes

**Welcome back to the story! I so love the response so far and I'm loving all the reviews I'm getting. They are wonderful and I welcome them completely, your honest opinions and all :D Please enjoy this chapter, and don't kill me if you don't like the outcome. I believe we're at somewhere near the halfway point, but I have no intentions of stopping anytime soon. **

**Review please! Also, ENJOY! **

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Bella POV

Seeing Edward for the first time in a month made the butterflies in my stomach flutter. He was more gorgeous than ever, not that I was looking, but he was also stressed, his wild hair reflecting it. Whenever he was stressed out or upset he tended to take it out on his hair, and make it as messy as possible.

I knew that our marriage could work out, with enough time apart and therapy. I just couldn't imagine how much work it would take to fix it. Edward needed to show to me that he would never cheat on me ever again, something that wasn't that easy of a task. Edward and I wanted at least three kids, which we discussed once I was pregnant with Sophie. If we got back together, we would most likely have more children, but I was unsure what the result would be. What if I felt the same way again? What if I was fat and ugly? I knew that he could either stay at home, learn that's what he should have done in the first place, and we would be fine, or he could cheat again. I wasn't so sure that he'd completely learned how wrong it was that he cheated. I needed the reassurance that he was committed to working on us.

He also needed to show to me that Sophie is his number one priority, and that his cheating affected her too. What if she found out about the affair one day, and blamed herself as the reason her daddy didn't want to stay? I couldn't let my baby think that, ever.

I told Edward I needed space, and that's exactly what he gave me. About a week and a half after Sophie and I visited his parent's house, Edward called me. He asked if we could set up a schedule for him to come over and see her twice a week at our house. I of course agreed, glad that he wanted to see her and spend time with her, especially because her accomplishments were growing quickly.

That was a month and a half ago, and Edward had been coming over now four nights a week and helping with Sophie while I cooked dinner and cleaned up around the house. Sometimes we switched roles and he cooked or cleaned while I sat and played with my baby.

Her teething had been bad lately, and once again, Edward was usually the only person that she wanted to be around when she was fussy. Tonight especially, I sat on the couch and read my book while Edward was cuddling with Sophie on the floor. Every once in a while, she would start to whimper, so he would stand up and rock her back and forth, bouncing her up and down, humming softly to her. I abandoned my book and watched them bond, knowing that Edward was doing everything he needed to prove to me that Sophie was the most important thing right now. I had something I needed to tell him, now.

"Hey Edward, can we talk for a minute?" I whispered, not wanting to wake Sophie up. "Do you wanna take her upstairs and then come back down?"

"Yeah sure, I'll be right back." He slowly walked upstairs, setting Sophie down in her crib and whispering his love to her, which I heard on the baby monitor, and came downstairs by me, sitting on the chair across the room.

"I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your help with Sophie lately. It's been hard with her teething, and she always calms down when she's by you. I was just wondering if you'd like to come home, and sleep in the guestroom of course. I was thinking about going back to work in a few weeks, and it would be so helpful to have you help out with Sophie when I get home. Alice agreed to take her a few days, and my parents said they would be more than happy to see her a few days a week, so if you don't want to stay here I understand. It's probably a stupid idea…" I looked down at my nails and picked at them, waiting for his response.

He crossed the room and sat on the couch, taking my hands in his with tears in his eyes. "I would be more than happy to help you out with Sophie. I think it's great that you want to go back to work, and I'd be overjoyed to help you out with anything you need. I have a few crazy shifts in the week, as you know already, but I have a day off once a week. I'll take her on those, maybe go over to Emmett's so she can play with Lily too. I know he says he's got his hands full with her some days too." Before I even knew what was happening, his lips closed on mine, and I was dumbstruck. I enjoyed it for a second, and then snapped out of it, not believing what just happened.

"Edward, just because you're moving back in doesn't mean anything is going to change with us. We still have a long ways to go before anything between us happens. I'm just still confused about all of it Edward. I mean I want to see how this goes and everything. I'm just so unsure about this yet Edward. I trust you with Sophie, but not with my heart, as cliché as that sounds. Please just let me figure it out, and don't push me."

"I'm sorry Bella, I just…I don't know. I love you Bella, and I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but I do. I sure have a shitty way of showing it, but I truly do. Right now though, I agree that we should just focus on Sophie and see where it takes us. I will be here for you whenever you need me, just know that. I should probably go to my parent's house now. Can I come back with my stuff tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll be here. I'll talk to my boss tomorrow and see when they need me back at the office. Let me walk you out." I opened the door, and waited for him to leave. He surprised me by kissing my cheek quickly, and walking out to his car briskly, and driving away. I shut the door and leaned against it, sliding down to my butt.

I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Was I being stupid for letting him back in me and Sophie's life? I told myself I wasn't being dumb, especially because I wasn't taking him back. He was sleeping in the guestroom and just helping out with Sophie, so I could go back to work, right? I felt like my resolve was going to slowly break once he moved back in. I didn't think about it before I asked him, which was stupid on my part.

I thought about it more, and realized that having Edward move back in was what was right for our family. Sophie was almost nine months old and she was going to be walking and talking before we knew it. I couldn't punish Edward like that. He needed to see his daughter grow up and accomplish everything. He was proving to me that she was important, and so I could show him that I respected how hard he was trying, and let him see her everyday.

I knew that Sophie's teething would be a hell of a lot easier if Edward was here, especially because she always wanted him when she was fussy. I knew that Edward moving in was right, and I was glad that I went with my gut decision.

It would be awhile before I let Edward back into my heart though. I needed to know that he loved me and wanted to still be married to me for the rest of our lives, like he once wanted. I wasn't sure if the affair was some early mid-life crisis, but I had a feeling that it wouldn't happen again. Edward knew better than to do that again, especially if he wanted me back.

I went upstairs and checked on Sophie, seeing that she was sound asleep, sucking her thumb and curled up in a ball, just like I slept. I fell in love with my daughter every single day, and knew that would never change. I fell asleep quickly, dreaming of Edward and I with millions more babies.

I couldn't prepare myself for what the next day brought. I was shaking in nervousness for half the day, bouncing up and down with Sophie being the only thing keeping me calm. She sensed my nerves, and gave me a curious and cute little look all day. I kept myself busy with house work, until I remembered to call the office and see when I could get back to work. They were thrilled, as they were scrambling to find a replacement for a woman going on maternity leave in a month. I would be working in the same department, different desk, as an editor. I was to start in 15 days, and I was absolutely excited to get back to my job, one that I actually enjoyed and loved.

Edward called and said he was going to come at seven tonight, his shift ending at six, and would be bringing back his clothes, as that was all he took with him. By the time seven came around, I was pacing back and forth, Sophie whining until I set her down, not liking all the bouncing and walking.

As the doorbell rang, I felt like dropping down, but pulled myself to the door, and opening it up, and seeing a positively gorgeous man on the other side.

"Hi Bella, can you help me with this suitcase, I only have one more in the car but I couldn't carry them all." I snapped out of it and grabbed the suitcase, it appearing to be the lightest one. He did this all the time when we started dating, always looking out for my well-being and safety, and I told him if he wanted to keep me around, he needed to knock it off. He seemed to forget that know.

"I'm not useless Edward; I can help you carry a heavy bag or two." He seemed to reassess the situation and handed me another bag, before running back out to his car and grabbing his other bags, and shutting the front door. We carried them up to the guestroom, and walked downstairs to the kitchen where I had dinner cooking.

Silence fell among us, neither of us knowing what to say, or really how to act around each other at all. I guess all our unresolved issues were just lingering in the air, waiting to be brought up. Too bad neither of us wanted to ruin the mood…

I couldn't really handle the silence, so I made up an excuse about using the bathroom and hurried upstairs, dialing Alice's number as soon as I shut the door.

"Bella, it's a bad time! Baby making is in progress, I'll call you back in a few…bye!" I gagged and waited for a few minutes before my phone started ringing.

"What the hell, Alice! I don't need to know that you and Jasper are getting it on. That's gross!"

"Oh whatever Bells, oh yeah, I forgot you're a virgin. You can't hear those things; they might make your ears burst." I rolled my eyes, remembering how Alice always called me the virgin when Edward and I started dating. At first I minded, until I realized the name was completely true, and let her call me it, but not in front of Emmett. He wouldn't let me live it down.

Ever since then, Alice and I had become each others best friends. "Totally Ali, that's how I gave birth to Sophie. I'm like the modern day Virgin Mary. Anyways, I asked Edward to move back in yesterday, and now he's here. I'm freaking out Ali."

"Wait, wait, wait. Why in the HELL would you let him move back to the house? Did you hit your head, you know, hard?!"

"He's been coming over every night, four nights a week. He's been helping me around the house and with Sophie, and just with Sophie. I mean, if he wants to stay in this marriage, Sophie has to be his priority first. I saw that and I just spit out that he should come and live here and help out with Sophie. I'm going back to work as an editor, same company and everything. I probably forgot to tell you that. So he's sleeping in the guestroom, and I don't think he'll be moving to mine anytime soon. It's so awkward and I don't know what to do Ali, help me!"

"Okay, well that was a long ass speech. Really, Bella? Think about this honey for just a second. You shouldn't be letting my dumb ass brother back in anytime soon. Not to tell you what to do or anything, but really Bells. You know as well as I do that you're going to just fall for him so quickly once again. You can't just fall for him again Bella, you need to trust him. Do you trust him?"

"No, well, let me rephrase that. I trust him with Sophie, and to take good care of her when I'm not sitting five feet away and supervising. I don't trust him again with my heart though. Not at all. I'm so scared Alice; I don't know what to do. I'm not good at this stuff."

"You've come to the right place Bella. We're going to make my brother feel the exact same way you felt when you found out about the slut he was screwing. You need to find a hunky man, make master asshole jealous, and then we'll go from there. Are you in?"

I sighed, and took a deep breath. "Yes Alice, I'm totally ready. Let's go find me a hunky dude."

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**Thanks for reading! Remember to review and see you next chapter! **


	9. Figuring Some Things Out

**Welcome back! I had so many thoughts running through my head that I kept writing, and this chapter was born! I am posting this a bit earlier than I expected to but I hope you all like it! The story line was going in another direction, but due to the response I got from all of you I decided to change the story a bit, and so this chapter is born! Please don't kill me if this chapter didn't happen the way you would like it to go...just simply accept it and tell me if it makes sense :) Enjoy! **

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I hung up with Alice, considering what I was about to do. I was excited to make Edward jealous, knowing that he would know how it felt once he knew I was going to start dating. But then the plan hit me right in the face as a bad idea. I only wanted Edward; I didn't want to sleep with any other guy, or even kiss another guy. I called Alice back right away, determined to make it right.

"Ali, I can't do this. Edward is doing everything he should to make me want to take him back. I don't need to make him jealous. I mean, that may make him feel worse and more jealous, but I don't want to do this. What if he figures out that I'm intentionally doing this Alice? He's not going to want to stay around and deal with my bullshit. If we're going to be playing games, we're going to get nowhere. Thanks for the suggestion Ali, but I'm not doing it. Thanks for the plan though. Bye."

I was ashamed. That was practically the only word that could describe it. I wanted to get back at Edward instead of sitting and dealing with the problems. We were going to go absolutely nowhere if all we tried to do was make each other feel bad about what we just previously did. We needed to cut out the games and just make this work out for both of us. At first I wanted Edward to pay for the cheating, and have consequences, but if I really wanted him and knew him well enough, he would figure out what he did wrong himself. I went downstairs, and sat across from Edward at the table.

"Are you feeling okay? You were up there for a long time." How could I still not trust him? He was being great, and I just needed answers, and a few other things to happen, before I could finally trust him.

"Yeah, I'm feeling fine. Just a little stomach ache, but it's gone. Listen, I have some questions for you, and I just want you to answer them. I don't want clarification, just an answer that is truthful. Don't sugarcoat it to spare my feelings, okay?" He nodded, so I pressed onward. "How long did you sleep with Kate? I know you said three months but I knew you could have just told me that in order to not hurt me."

"I slept with Kate for three months." Thank god he wasn't clarifying, which I asked him not to do, because I didn't want anything else but a simple answer.

"Does Kate still work at the hospital as a cardiothoracic surgeon?" Since Edward was head of cardiology, he would see her practically everyday if she still worked at the hospital. I prayed that she didn't.

"Yes, Kate still works at the hospital. Can I elaborate a little more?" I nodded and waited for him to proceed. "She's been unprofessional since I broke it off. She comes in my office and yells and screams at me over this whole thing. I usually tell her to leave, and I swear that's all I say to her. She has lost three patients in the last month because she's too busy trying to find me around the hospital instead of responding to pages. I asked my dad to go to the review board and see what they can do, which is hopefully fire her."

"So you only talk to her about surgeries? Nothing else?" He shook his head no, and for that I was relived. I knew he could be lying through his teeth right now, but I had a feeling that he was telling me the truth.

It pissed me off to a new level that she would even try to keep contact with Edward. She should learn to back the hell off from MY husband, especially because she knew we were married. What kind of slut goes and sleeps with married men? Go find someone that's actually single. For now, I needed to stop being a pushover, and tell Edward how it was going to be.

"I don't mean to tell you what to do, but if you want to help gain your trust back with me, here's how it's going to be. Either you resign from your job at the hospital or we hope to God that Kate gets fired. If for some reason she doesn't, I expect you to find another hospital to work at, or at least another department far, far away from the cardio wing. Second, you come home right after your shifts. If you want to go out, I'm coming with, because unfortunately for you, I don't trust you. When you go out I need to see that you're not just going to find another chick and cheat on me again. I suspect that Kate also texts you and calls you as much as she did after you first ended it, so to stop that I want you change your phone number.

"I also want us to do marriage counseling, even if you don't think we need it. I want to cover all of our bases and just talk with someone who can help us work through this all. If you don't want to do any of these things or not one in particular, the door is right over there. I don't think I can stay married to you if you don't want to get back my trust. After all I wasn't the one who cheated, you were." I waited for his answer, and was overly shocked when he closed the gap and put his lips on mine. He poured his feelings into that kiss, and I just sat there, not willing to stop it. He didn't try to deepen the kiss, and soon pulled back, resting his forehead on mine, both of us breathing heavily.

"I'm not going anywhere Bella. I want to make this work, and maybe it took me being a complete dumbass to see that, but I want you forever. Whatever you want me to do I will do it, because I love you. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to stay in your life and Sophie's. I think I should unpack my stuff though, so I'll see you in the morning." He gave me a kiss on my cheek, and went upstairs, with a slight hop in his step.

Over the next month, Edward and I enrolled in couple's therapy, scheduled twice a week. Our therapist was named Dr. Walters, and she was a woman who was most likely in her early 50's. I really enjoyed going because she was nonjudgmental and listened to us equally. Therapy taught us how to communicate openly without getting at each others throats by the end of the conversation. Edward and I hadn't kissed since the night we discussed our plans, but I knew it would happen when the time was right. We occasionally held hands when we went out with Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Jasper to the clubs. I was only 27, so clubbing wasn't going to stop anytime soon for any of us. Edward and I danced with each other a little too, but nothing hot and heavy like we did when we first started dating. I started work in two days, so everyone was taking me out to celebrate before I had to go to the office.

Alice bought me a dress that she said was sure to show off my great body, which was now back to the weight I was before, plus five pounds that wouldn't be lost. I had given up on losing them, since they made my body look a bit curvier than before. I think Alice was secretly trying to make Edward go crazy, which she was happy to do. She accepted that her plan may have been a bit juvenile, and she said that us working it out without any games was a much better plan. Coming from Alice, those were crazy words; she never admitted that she was wrong, ever.

So I put on the dress, which was blue, black and sparkly, which was a sweetheart neck, and sheer black material up to my neck, that was sleeveless. I loved it and was feeling bold, so I curled my hair and did my make-up a little crazier than normal, and put on my high heels. Everyone was downstairs waiting, so I said goodnight to Sophie, who was staying with her Grandma and Grandpa Swan tonight at the house, before going to the club.

We got in quickly, since Emmett knew the owner, and ordered our drinks, sitting down at the table. Alice wanted to dance, so Rose and I followed her out to the dance floor, shaking our asses and twirling around the dance floor, getting looks from several men. Before we knew it, three men were walking up to us looking hopeful.

The most daring of them spoke first. "We were wondering if you ladies wanted to dance with some real men, who can show you a real good time. That is if you ladies are up to it." Rose laughed loudly, before speaking.

"Actually _boys, _our very manly husbands are walking over here as we speak, so if you'd excuse us, we'd rather go dance with them instead." They all looked shocked, not understanding rejection, as we turned around and ran right into our husbands arms.

Edward held me in his arms as we waited for the next song. "I don't know about you, but I found it very irritating finding those boys talking to my wife like that. My very beautiful, sexy wife, whose dress is making me crazy, and those heels, damn babe, they make me go insane. Was that you're plan all along; to make me go insane?" He whispered in my ear seductively. I nodded, under his spell.

The song that played next was fast and upbeat, so I turned around and ground myself into him to the beat. I could tell Edward like it, because soon enough I felt something hard against my ass, and I knew he enjoyed what I was doing to him.

This was farther than we had ever gone since before Sophie was born, and I was enjoyed it thoroughly, forgetting that we were even having problems in our marriage. Right now, in the moment, we were just Edward and Bella, the two lovebirds that couldn't keep their hands off each other. Edward's hands roamed my body, and he placed kisses on my neck, and before we knew it the song was over. The next song was slower, so we held each other in our arms, and swayed to the music. My eyes glanced over at the other couples on the dance floor, before I saw a familiar face over by the bar through the crowd.

At first I couldn't place them, but after we danced and I went over to the bar to get another round, I suddenly remembered who the woman was. The woman standing 15 feet away was Kate, and I froze, unsure what to do.

Part of me wanted to run as fast as I could out of the club, but my three inch heels were preventing me from doing that. My other option was to go up to her and punch her in the face, but I don't think that would work out for the best either. So I went with my third option, and stood in place waiting for the bartender to get our drinks. Unfortunately, she recognized me and came up to me right away, squaring up her shoulders for a fight.

"You're Bella right?" The bitch knew who I was, why didn't she just cut the shit and get to the point?

"I know who you are Kate so just cut the shit and say what you want to say to me." I squared my shoulders and noticed that I was her height with the heels on, making me feel a bit more powerful at the moment.

"Well, well, well; seems like someone grew a backbone. Anyways, I noticed the ring is still on your finger. So Edward still hasn't come to his senses and divorced you? I would have thought by now he was going to do it." If she was trying to intimidate me, it was working. I wasn't going to play into her bitchy mind games, and held my own.

"No, we aren't divorced, and we aren't going to ever, so you can get that stupid little idea out of your tiny ass brain. Edward loves me, not you, so get over yourself and leave us alone. Don't act like you know me, bitch."

"Really? I can remember him telling me just yesterday at work how much he loved me instead of you. It was in his office, after we'd had sex, just so you know. I didn't want to have to hurt your feelings, sweetie, but he's still sleeping with me. He may have told you he ended it, but we never really stopped. I was just hoping that when you kicked him out, you wouldn't let him back in. It turns out that you're not very smart after all." I hoped to God that wasn't true, but trusted Edward enough now to believe that what she was saying wasn't true.

"Well, I'm sure that's true. Leave my marriage alone, you little home wrecker. I trust him enough to know that he's not sleeping with you, whore. Edward isn't up for grabs, so leave us the fuck alone. By the way, your hair looks terrible." I flashed a grin, before grabbing our drinks and leading off to the table.

My strong, superwoman façade was an act, and I secretly had a breakdown in my head. I waited until I got back to the table, and set the drinks down before sitting down in the corner of the booth we were in, and breaking down. Everyone immediately turned to me, questioning what was wrong. I blamed it on being tired, and asked Edward if we could go home.

Alice and Rose didn't quite believe my story, and both glared at me, asking me silently to call them later and tell them what was going on. I nodded, and walked out with Edward, not before seeing Kate smirk at me, knowing that she had really won.

I didn't speak to him when we were in the car. I didn't really know what to say, and so I replayed the conversation I had with Kate. I needed to gather my thoughts so I didn't blow up at Edward, for something that he had nothing to do with. He could have invited Kate there, but I doubted it, especially because I didn't believe he would sabotage our marriage after wanting it to work. I just needed to be calm so I could talk rationally with Edward, something that therapy had taught us to do.

Once we got home, all I wanted to do was hold my baby in my arms. My parents were passed out on the couch, so I placed a blanket over them, not wanting to disturb them. I was guessing Sophie had kept them awake longer than they anticipated.

She had about six teeth now, and I wasn't sure I liked that my baby was growing up so fast. She has been crawling around for about a month and I knew that soon enough she would start talking. Everyday Edward was trying to get her to say dada, but I always went up to her after he failed and tried to get her to say mama. I knew that she would come through for me one of these days.

The next day Edward had seemed to forget my little breakdown at the club, or he at least pretended to until I was ready to talk, but it was whatever. I decided to wait until tonight, after Sophie was in bed, which was our normal talk time.

After I had everyone fed and ready to go for the day, we all sat down on the floor in the living room, watching Sophie roll around. She could now go from her stomach to sitting up, and she was demonstrating that to us at the moment.

She would crawl around and soon get farther than expected, so Edward would have to quick chase after her before she got into something she shouldn't. That wouldn't happen anyways though, especially because Edward had baby proofed the house when I was four months pregnant. To say he was a big overprotective when I was pregnant was an understatement.

Currently, she crawled a bit too far and banged her head on the coffee table, and momma was making it all better, kissing her head and making it all better. "Aw Sophie, baby, it's alright, Mama's here, just please stop crying sweetie. I held her head as is rested on my shoulder, and she cried her little heart out. Edward looked pained as she cried, and so he quickly grabbed her from me and rocked her back and forth until her tears subsided.

"Thank you sweetie for not crying for your daddy, you're making him feel all better. Who makes you feel all better when you are crying?" I knew the response he wanted was him, but I hoped she chose me at the moment.

"Ma, ma ma ma ma." My baby uttered, and I knew I was victorious.

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**Please review too! Let me know how you liked the change in moods, from confusion to happiness to anger to fluff..I hope it's not too overwhelming. Hope to hear on how you liked ALL the events of the chapter! See you next chapter! 3 Sarah**


	10. Therapy

**HELLO! I AM SOOOOO SORRY! I know that this is the first chapter in a month, more than that actually, and I apologize 251%! Everything going on with school and swimming has made me sooo busy, and this chapter also proved very difficult. I didn't know the direction I wanted to, but know I am pretty darn sure. So let's hope the next chapter comes out a little sooner! Don't hate me! **

**3 Sarah**

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The end of the day wasn't as pleasant as the beginning of it. I had thoughts running through my head all day, thinking about the conversation I had with Kate. Was I going to have to deal with this whenever I went out? Would I see her all the time, and would she always harass me? I didn't want this to happen all my life if Edward and I stayed married. I knew that Kate was fired from the hospital now, which eased my mind a bit, but he could still just as easily contact her as he could before. I still didn't trust him enough, and I wasn't sure I ever really would.

I didn't tell Edward anything about my discussion with Kate until our next therapy session, which was conveniently tomorrow right after I got off of work. I was contemplating at lot of things tonight, and I hoped that tomorrow I could get them all out without chickening out.

I let Edward think that everything was okay with me, and played off every frown as nothing. I could tell her was getting suspicious of something, but I didn't reveal what I was thinking.

The morning came faster than I would have liked it to. But I trekked onward, and dressed myself in a white, flowing skirt and a nice and simple navy blue shirt. Sophie was making noise, and practicing saying mama when I woke up, so I checked on her before going in to the guestroom by Edward and setting her on his face.

"She's all yours now buddy. You're off today right?" He picked up Sophie and transferred her to his stomach, and rubbed at his eyes.

"Yeah, but I have my 24-hour shift tomorrow, so you have to bring Sophie to Alice's before you go to work. She said she was just working on designs tomorrow, and would be more than happy to take her. Have a good day at work." I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but I jumped back before that happened, and uttered some goodbyes before retreating to my car.

I know the moment of truth had to happen tonight, but I wished I could prolong it as long as possible. Work was work, and I could get back into the swing of things quickly. Sophie's pictured adorned my desk and I had people periodically walking in and out of my office to see her.

I had gotten my first book to edit today, and it was a children's book about some frogs, and I knew Sophie would love it. The rest of the day went fairly easy, until I realized that therapy was in an hour. I didn't know if I had the guts to say what I needed to say. If I was going to be realistic with myself, though, I needed to tell Edward how I really felt.

Edward and I sat in the waiting room of the therapist's office, not talking, me just staring at the walls. I could tell Edward wanted to ask what was wrong, but he was smarter than that, so he kept his mouth shut. He'd dig himself in a bigger hole if he spoke.

Once we got into the office, my hands were sweating. We both sat on the couch across from the therapist, Edward and I not holding hands or even remotely close to each other.

"So, welcome back to the office, Bella, Edward. So it appears that our last session was last week Thursday, and I just wanted to know how things are going. Are there any new milestones with your relationship? Any problems since last session?" asked Dr. Walters. I let Edward do the talking, and then I would finally say what I needed to.

"Well we went to a club over the weekend, and we danced a little. It felt good to act like we were when we were dating, and I feel like we connected that much more."

"And Bella, how do you feel about this? Did you feel like you and Edward are finally starting to trust each other?" Dr. Walters smiled at me encouragingly, and Edward just smiled, looking happy in the moment. I knew now was the time to speak, and I hoped Edward would understand.

"Well, going to the club was nice and all, but it made me think about some things. You see, I saw someone there that I didn't tell Edward about. It was Kate, and she and I started talking about some things." I took a moment to gather my thoughts. "She started asking if we were divorced, and she said she didn't know why we were still married. She told me that you two are still sleeping together too, practically everyday." My voice started to break, and tears started in my eyes. "She said that you two never stopped and that I was stupid for believing you and taking you back. Please, please tell me that none of it's true." Edward's face was drained of all color, and I just knew that he didn't invite Kate that night; she came by her own free will to harass me.

"Bella, I'm not sleeping with Kate. She got fired from the hospital, and I didn't even talk to her after I broke it off. I am so sorry for everything I've put you through Bella, and I just wish I could take this whole thing back."

"Did you sleep with her that much when you were together?" I didn't want to know but I had to, to gain some peace of mind.

"It wasn't every night Bella, not even. I slept with her maybe once in two weeks. Ever night that I was gone I was at Emmett's bar, but usually there was someone to talk to." I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that it wasn't as frequent as I thought. It still didn't stop me from saying what I had to.

"As relieved as I am to hear that Edward, I don't think I can do this. I can't do this anymore. Thank you for everything Dr. Walters, your time has helped so much, but I don't know about us anymore. I thought that we could get through it, but there's no way to just switch off all these thoughts that run through my head everyday. I worry everyday that all of a sudden you're going to go back to the person you were a few months ago. I don't want to have to worry about Kate popping up in our lives every time that we start to become happy. I don't want to not be able to trust you, and trust isn't just something I can will myself to have. I've been unrealistic about this whole thing, Edward. I love you, but I can't be married to you, not now. I want a divorce." I felt like I could see Edward's heart breaking right before me, tears forming in his eyes. I wanted to wipe them away, sorry for causing this pain, but that wasn't for me to do anymore. I couldn't be sorry for what he did to us.

"Edward, how do you feel about this?" I could tell this was the last thing Dr. Walters expected, and she was going to do everything in her power to keep this divorce from happening.

"Just give me a minute, alright?" He was breathing heavily; trying to not let him emotions overcome him, something he did often. Edward rarely showed his emotions, something he was very good at as a doctor; he was a man that didn't want to appear as weak, especially not in front of others. "I'm shocked, but I'm not. I…I knew that there was a possibility of you not wanting this, but I was stupid enough to think that you could just forgive me for doing something so terrible to you. I don't want a divorce. I don't want this whole situation to have happened, but it did because I was stupid as hell. I love you and I love Sophie, and I don't want us to break it off for my mistakes. I want us to work at this, damn it."

"I love you Bella, but I don't understand how you can just give up on us after everything with us is starting to look up." Now he was out of line, and I needed to cut him off. Edward tended to ramble, and stick his foot in his mouth over and over again.

"I'm the one giving up? What about you Edward? You're the one who slept with someone else, not me! I'm being realistic about this, and I'm giving you the out. The one you clearly wanted so desperately four months ago. You tried to tell me why you cheated on me, and I know you were only in it for the sex, but what if I don't feel like putting out one night? Are you going to the bar and finding the first girl that will? I can't be in this marriage Edward, I just can't. Thank you Dr. Walters, but I don't think we'll need your assistance any longer."

Tears streamed down Edward's cheeks, and he left without a word, beyond sad, angry, confused, etc. I knew that somehow I would never know, Edward not being forthcoming with very much. I thought that a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders, but it felt heavier if anything.

I was so lost. I knew that if I wanted to be happy, Edward and I couldn't stay together. I couldn't constantly worry about what he was doing and if I could trust him or not. _Or you could just not worry about it. You trusted Edward before, you can do it again. _I wanted to tell myself that was true, but I wasn't completely convinced. _You can't just expect your relationship to be fixed in a month. Edward's trying and you should give him the chance. Kate showed up at the club on her own. Edward has done everything you've asked. _I wish I could just shut my brain off sometimes.

Everything I was feeling was so conflicted, I didn't know what was going on anymore.

I thanked Dr. Walters and left quickly, breaking down completely when I was alone in my car. I couldn't believe what I just said. A divorce. I didn't even think it through before I blurted it out.

Well actually, I'd thought about it a lot, just not about how gut-wrenching it would feel. Ever since I met Edward, I knew that I wanted to be married to him. I would still want to be married to him under different circumstances. Like ones where he hadn't cheated on me in the first place.

I picked Sophie up from Alice's without saying much. I told her I was tired and didn't feel like talking, and she quickly wrote if off and shooed me home.

The thing was that I didn't want to go home. Home was where Edward most likely wasn't, and I wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad about that.

I need to go home though, because Sophie was snoozing away in her car seat in the back, mouth agape and eyes shut tightly.

Once we got home, I quickly realized Edward wasn't here, not seeing his car in the garage. It was close to dinner time, so I fed Sophie. We were slowly incorporating more solid foods in her diet, and she loved it. Tonight was when formula was all she needed, as Auntie Alice spoiled her dinner. As for me, I simply heated up some leftovers and sat on the couch watching Sophie roll around. Every once in a while, she would get curious and I'd have to scoop her up before she got too far, and tickled her belly. The giggling noises that she made were melodious, and made me happy enough to forget the world crashing around me.

EPOV

I got up and left before I heard anything else. I figured there probably was nothing left to say, especially since she could shatter me in pieces with just four words.

I knew I deserved everything that was happening. I thought we were doing so well, and then boom, Bella wants a divorce.

Why the hell was I stupid enough to cheat on Bella? _Well dickward, when Bella stopped wanting you, you took it out on her and fucked a slut you didn't even find attractive. _I sounded like an even bigger jackass when it was put like that.

I thought driving around would clear my head…I guess I was wrong about that too.

How would this affect Sophie? _You should have thought about that before you slept with someone else. _Where was I going to live? There was no way that I would kick Bella out of the house and live there alone. Although I paid for a majority of it, Bella needed this house for her and Sophie. I didn't want to have to think about this. I was 30 years old, and had a great career, a great wife and daughter, but I lost all of it because I couldn't keep it in my pants when Bella and I were fighting.

I knew I'd have to face Bella at the house sooner or later, but I picked later. I needed to think this out instead of going in there and saying something I'd regret.

I thought about leaving Bella a message, saying that I needed to clear my head and would be back in a few hours, but shot the idea down immediately. Who was I kidding? Bella probably didn't want to remember that I existed, let alone where I was at the moment. I had been driving for hours in a circle that even I didn't know where I was going, or where I was.

I pulled over to find out where I was, and grabbed for the GPS in the backseat, unbuckling my seatbelt in the process. It was then that I realized the large pickup truck coming behind me, music blasting, speeding excessively. I was stuck in my place as I realized it started connecting with my backend.

I flew forward with nothing to stop me as I slammed into the windshield. That was the last thing I remembered before everything went black.

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**Thank you for reading! Remember: REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! It makes me happy inside to read them :) **


	11. What Happened

**And we meet again! Let me say how SORRY I am for this looonnnnnggg wait! I had to figure out what I was write, then actually take the time to write it! Life has been getting in the way. Sorry if all this medical mumbo jumbo doesn't pan out to be "realistic", it was what I could decipher from my internet searches! I am NOT a doctor! :) Here it is, make sure to type some words in that box down there! :D :D :D **

**3 Sarah **

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Bella POV

Getting Sophie to bed proved to be more of a challenge tonight than it was usually. I was proud to say that my baby loved to get her sleep, just like her momma, and had no trouble ever going to sleep, but tonight was another story. All that sugar that Alice had hyped her up on was making it quite difficult for me to get her to sleep. She was being fussy, and I was running out of options. I knew only Edward could get her to sleep, so I went and got my phone, and dialed his number.

He never answered, but I figured that was because he didn't want to talk to me. After all, I was the one who had just asked for a divorce hours earlier. I continued to rock Sophie in her rocking chair, to no avail. I was getting tired myself, and peaked at the clock, which signaled it was close to 10:30 now. She must have been getting tired, because the longer we sat here, the fussier she got.

That's when I heard a loud ringing from the house phone down the hallway. Sophie heard it though, and was wide awake, balling her eyes out and screaming for the whole neighborhood to hear.

I ran down the hallway with her in my arms, and picked the phone up on the fourth ring, and was not expecting the person on the other line.

"Where have you been, Edward?" I didn't even wait for him to say hello before I laid it on him. "Sophie's been crying for over an hour and I need you home now."

"Actually this is Detective Jones with the Seattle Police Department. Is this Mrs. Cullen that I'm speaking to?"

"Yes, this is she. You can call me Bella. What can I do for you officer?"

"Bella, I need to inform you that your husband Edward was in a car accident at approximately 8:30 p.m. tonight. Edward is at Seattle Grace hospital, and is being prepped for surgery as we speak. We can give you more information once you arrive at the hospital, as we're unsure what his level of injury is right now, as well as the cause of the crash."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I'd just seen Edward hours ago, alive and well, and now he was going into surgery, possibly fighting for his life. What kind of person was I? Did I cause this? I wondered if his emotions clouded his mind and caused him to crash. No, I did nothing wrong, I stated my feelings, he knew they were coming.

But that didn't mean I felt less guilty about his being in the hospital. I needed to get there, fast, and quickly dialed his mom's number.

She picked up on the first ring. "Hello? Bella, why are you calling this late?" I then realized it was 11 at night, and Carlisle and Esme had gone to bed awhile ago.

"Esme, I need someone to watch Sophie. A detective just called and said Edward was in the hospital and he's in surgery, and I needed to go see what's going on." The news hadn't sunk in yet, as I felt fully functional, not aware of the weight of the accident on my shoulders.

"What? When? Is he okay?" She sounded immediately panicked, and I wondered why I wasn't reacting the same way.

"I'm not sure; they'll tell me when I get to the hospital. I just got Sophie to fall asleep, and now she's awake and fussy. I can't take care of her at the hospital and take care of things with Edward either."

"Oh of course we'll watch her dear. Carlisle and I will be over in a jiffy. You just hold tight and breathe, Carlisle and I will take care of everything else at the house. Bye Bella."

"Thanks Esme, bye." I sank down on the couch and really let it sink in. How could this have happened? I had no idea what condition he was in, what was going on during the surgery, what I was going to say to him when he woke up. If he woke up…

He was my husband, the only love of my life and he could die. Obviously one day he would, but what if this time was now? I never realized how much I would miss him after he would go, whether it was moving or dying.

I needed to tell him how I really felt, instead of just bull shitting everything. We needed to share real, raw emotion, and no amount of therapy could help us get back to who we use to be. I just needed to get to Edward now, and wait until he was out of surgery to tell him.

It seemed like a lifetime until Esme and Carlisle arrived, and they quietly let themselves in, trying not to wake my baby girl. I ran out the door and to my car, saying a hello and thank you before speeding towards the hospital. Luckily Edward wanted to live closet to the hospital he worked at, so the drive only took five minutes, not exactly going the speed limit.

I rushed into the E.R. looking for anyone who would tell me what was going on with Edward. I immediately went to the nurse's station, and was directed to the I.C.U., where Edward would be put after his surgery.

The nurse there provided a little more information. She said that Edward was in surgery to open room in his skull, for his brain that was swelling. She said that she would page the detective and I could sit in the waiting room.

That was the last thing I wanted to do. I would've rather screamed my lungs out for all of the shit piling on top of me. That would've made me feel better.

But instead I listened to the nurse, and sat down in the waiting room across the hall. I thumbed through a magazine, not knowing what I was reading until I realized it was Men's Health. I set that down and decided that staring off into space would be a much better use of my time.

Soon enough, a young man that appeared to be in his 30's walked up in front of me and cleared his throat. I realized then the tears that were running down my face, and I wiped them off quickly and rose to my feet.

"Bella?" I nodded. "It's a pleasure to meet you, although I wish it were under different circumstances. I'm Detective Jones." I shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you. The nurse said he was in surgery because his brain was swelling, but she didn't really say much. I'm afraid that Edward's the doctor in the family, so I'm not even sure what that means. Is he going to die?" A sob rocked through me as I realized that there was a possibility of Edward not waking up, and I needed to sit down.

"The doctors said they should have the swelling under control, and they'll access his other injuries after that. Edward should be out of surgery soon, is there anyone else I should call?"

"No, I told everyone else in the family. How did this even happen?"

"Edward was parked on the side of the road in a neighborhood about 7 miles away from your home. We believe he was reaching for something in the back, and had his seatbelt off, when he was hit by another vehicle in the back, most likely a pick-up truck. The jolt from the back caused your husband to fly forward and hit his head on windshield and then hit the back of his head on the seat when he jolted backwards. The truck drove off, so we'll be looking for the driver and will charge them with hit and run. The house he was parked outside of called 911 and got us a partial plate."

"What can I do?" I needed something to keep me occupied, something to keep my mind from wandering.

"Mrs. Cullen, all you can do is pray for your husband's recovery. I informed the doctors that you were here. They'll come out and let you know how he is doing after his surgery. Surround yourself with your family; they tend to be helpful in times like this. I'll let you know if we have an update of any kind."

"Thank you, Detective." I sat down in the waiting room and it seemed like the time dragged on. After what felt like forever, a doctor came out and looked right at me.

"Mrs. Cullen, it's so nice to meet you. I'm Doctor Schmitt, and I did Mr. Cullen's surgery. I know your husband from the hospital, although I've never met you. I wish we could've under different circumstances. Edward is out of surgery. We had to remove a part of the brain to reduce the swelling. The part we removed might have affected some of his memory, but should not be too severe. He has something called T.B.I., or in layman's terms, Traumatic Brain Injury. Basically that just means that the way his head quickly struck the windshield caused his brain to jolt and swelling to result. We managed to get the swelling under control. Edward is in a medically induced coma right now, and will be for the next few hours to let his brain recover."

"Can I come see him and stay with him?" I needed to hold his hand, and see that he was okay.

"Yes you can, we can put a cot in their so you can stay with him overnight. We had to shave Edward's head in order to open his head for the surgery. He looks different, but just keep an open mind that he will get better. In the car crash, his arm was also broken, and he fractured some ribs. I foresee a good recovery though, and am optimistic about his case. Do you have any questions?"

"Can I go to his room now?" He nodded and led me down the hallway and to the left, showing me the room that had Edward's name on the door.

"If you need anymore information, just ask for me at the nurse's station." I nodded and walked into Edward's room, gasping as I saw him.

His head was bandaged, no wild bronze hair peaking through. His arm was wrapped up in a cast, and he had a tube in his mouth, most likely helping him breath. The monitor next to him indicated his heart rate, which was strong.

I covered my mouth to muffle the sob that ripped through me. The chair next to him looked inviting, so I pulled it up to his bed, holding his good hand and laying my head down on the bed; letting the tears fall down my face.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. Please just be okay. I don't want to live without you." I didn't want the last conversation with Edward to be about how I wanted a divorce. How much I didn't need him in my life. I felt like none of that mattered anymore, because all that did mattered was Edward getting better.

I fell asleep soon after getting in his room, feeling emotionally drained, and physically.

The next morning I woke up to incessant poking on my shoulder. I groaned as I started to lift my head, my back and neck aching in protest.

"The beast awakes I see." How was it that Alice was managing to be so perky?

"Ali, you should let her sleep. She called late last night and was probably up for ever." Oh Jasper, always her voice of reason when she got crazy and out of control.

"Its 11 o'clock Jazz, she'll be fine. She can go back into her deep sleep after we leave."

"Eh, I prefer to sleep some more. Why did security even let you in Alice?" I lifted my head up and saw her smiling bright, in a bright pink shirt and cute white, flowing skirt. She stuck her tongue out at me for that last comment.

"So how's he doing?" For a moment I could forget the current situation, but her question brought me right back in.

"Well he was in a car accident, and hit his head against the windshield when he was reaching for something in back while he was parked. Someone in a truck rammed him from behind and took off. They had to do surgery to reduce the swelling and had to remove part of his brain, so his memory might be comprised a bit. They've got him in a coma right now, but they'll take him out of it once they feel its okay to."

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. Do you need us to take Sophie? We'll take care of her if you want to stay at the hospital."

"No, no it's okay. I think I'll go home soon and relieve your parents of their duties. She'll be a very hungry girl soon, and she normally doesn't like just anything for lunch."

"How are you doing though, Bella?" Ah Jasper, always the caring one. His job as a psychologist was definitely a good choice for him.

"Exhausted, I mean, when I got that phone call…I imagined the absolute worst. I thought that I had gotten the call that he was dead. I mean," tears started in my eyes, "I can't lose him. I thought that's what I wanted but I was wrong."

"What do you mean when you say you thought you wanted him gone? What aren't you telling us Bella?"

"I asked Edward for a divorce yesterday while we were at therapy." Alice's mouth dropped and I held up a finger to let me continue. "I saw Kate when we were clubbing and she told me her and Edward were still together. I knew it wasn't true but it brought up everything that I was insecure about in our relationship again. I couldn't just sweep up my feelings under the rug and pretend that I still didn't feel like I trusted Edward. I just blurted it out that I wanted a divorce, and then bullshitted my way through it because I'd convinced myself that I didn't want him anymore. This whole thing made me realize that I don't want to be away for a minute from Edward. We need to get our heads out of our asses and just deal with it. If he even remembers me…" Tears sprouted in my eyes, not realizing the full affect of his injury.

"Bells, he's going to remember you! You are the best thing that's ever happened to him, Sophie too. No accident could change that."

"Thanks Ali, you're the greatest best friend a girl could ask for." She smiled brightly.

"It's my job." She said simply, and shrugged her shoulders. "Now let's go find a doctor and see how my idiot brother is doing."

The nurses came in periodically to check his vitals, and the doctor had no update. "We'll take him in for an M.R.I. and see how the swelling is doing. We can gauge from there when we can take him out of the coma."

While Edward was getting tested, I was left with my thoughts, wandering out to the waiting room where Alice and Jasper were getting all of us coffee. It was there I found the rest of my family.

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**Leave me love! Every review is like a big, warm, gigantic hug from Channing Tatum :) Or so a girl could hope! REVIEW PLEASE! Hope to see ya soon! **


	12. At the Hospital

**So I'm a big giant idiot...I had half of this chapter written when my computer took a leap of faith and died. So I have to write this one over, plus I was mondo busy and totally neglected all of you! I'm sorrryyyyyy! I admit it, I'm a idiot. Feel free to tell me that when I hope you review this. Well, onto the story we go! Review please and let me know you forgive me...hopefully! :) PLEASE...I know it took me practically 5 months, but I want to put that past us! See you much sooner I hope!**

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I suddenly found myself surrounded by all my closest family members, taking me into their arms and offering me the comfort I needed. I didn't even get to see their faces before I was passed onto the next person's loving embrace. I spotted Esme off in the corner holding my baby girl and rushed over there quickly, scooping up Sophie in my arms and hugging her tight.

She babbled quietly and gave me a messy smooch on my cheek when I asked her to. "I missed you Sophie, so much. Did you have fun with your grandma and grandpa, sweetie?" I bounced her while she sucked on her thumb and nuzzled her head into my shoulder.

"Thank you Esme, I really appreciate you taking her last minute. Tell Carlisle the same also, please." I was thankful I had family members willing to take my daughter at the drop of a hat, no questions asked.

"It's no problem at all dear. You're family, no matter what. Anyways, we'd love to get more time with our grandbaby."  
"No problems with her I hope?" I never really had to worry about Sophie, but I thought I'd make sure.

"Of course not, no problems. She was an angel." I smiled, and nodded.

"Good." I then addressed everyone. "Do I need to brief everyone on what's going on or was everyone updated?"

"We know Bells, no need to relive it. We are all here for you. Even though Edward is my brother, you're still my sister. No matter what problems you two are having. I think I speak for everyone in the Cullen family." Emmett said, and gave me another big hug. Without even noticing, tears were forming in my eyes again.

"You know, I really appreciate this you guys. You're my second family and I don't know what I'd do without you guys." Everyone nodded, and in our little way we all understood how much we were all important to one another. I would miss this friendship and support the most after the divorce. If the divorce was even going to happen anymore…

I was determined to stand my ground, but I knew seeing Edward lying helpless in the bed would diminish my resolve more than it already had. I would take this one step at a time and see what the situation threw at me before making any more rash decisions.

A few hours later, I sat in Edward's room after going home to eat dinner with Sophie. I knew that Edward was set to be woken up soon, and I was determined to be the first face he saw, just so I knew he was alright. I turned out of my daze when I heard a knock on the door. Edward's doctor was standing there, and I motioned for him to come in.

"Hello again Mrs. Cullen. After we took more scans, we determined that Edward's condition was stable enough to take him out of his comatose state. We would like to do that within the next hour. Would you like to be here for it or not?"

"I would like to be actually." I said, rather quickly.

"I'll just go through the general procedure and everything I need to. We are ready to take him out of the coma, Mrs. Cullen. These things aren't instantaneous and can take a few minutes to a few hours. Remember, he may be dazed and disoriented and could potentially have memory loss. Just go with what he says and don't try to correct him, as this may make him angry. We'll just play it by ear and see what happens. Do you have any questions?"

"None that I can think of." I racked my brain for anything I need to know, coming up short, producing one question. "Will he be in pain when he wakes up?"

"We have his pain medication regulated. We will ask him if he feels any pain when he wakes up and to rate it. This way we know whether or not to give him a higher dosage."

I nodded, and watched as nurses trickled in next to the doctor, tinkering with Edward's IV. An hour had passed. The nurse's had told me to press the call button when he opened his eyes. They also told me not to let him speak, as he had a tube in his throat.

I glanced up every few seconds from my magazine, unable to focus. A few minutes had passed after the hour, and his eyes started to flutter open. I rushed to his side, and pressed the button.

"Don't try to speak, babe. You've got a tube in your throat. The doctor is coming."

A few seconds later, the doctor and nurses came rushing in. He quickly had the tube taken out before he was getting water chips to soothe his dry throat. His eyes were fully open and he was alert after this.

"Wha-what happened? Why am I in the hospital?" Edward said anxiously, before glancing around the room and settling on my face.

"You were in a car accident. There was brain swelling and you have a concussion. We induced you in a coma to help." The doctor then shined a light in his face, checking his vitals I assumed. "Can you tell me your name and birthday?"

"Uh, December 23rd. And Edward, Edward Cullen." He looked at me for confirmation. I nodded.

"That's right, now can you tell me who the current president is?" The doctor asked. He assured me beforehand that these tests were to gauge memory loss.

"Obama." He looked down to my belly, and a look of shock ran across his face before the doctor could ask the final question, what day and year it was. "Were you in the crash, Bella? Why is your stomach flat? Oh god, what happened to the baby? Did we lose her in the crash?" He looked panicky and unsure if he wanted to hear the answer he thought would be bad. His eyes formed tears and I wanted so bad to correct him. I remembered what the doctor said, and didn't want to correct his current reality.

I looked to the doctor, and he nodded as reassurance that I could answer him. "No, Edward. I wasn't in the car with you when you got hit. I'm not pregnant anymore; I haven't been for a while. Our baby was born almost a year ago. Don't you remember her?" I wanted to cry, for the fact that Edward lost all memory of the last year, maybe even more than that.

"I don't know what you're talking about Bella. You should be 8 months pregnant right now. What's going on? WHY don't I remember?" He looked so confused and hurt, not knowing what was going on.

The doctor stepped next to his bed. "The brain injury that you incurred may have affected your memory. We will keep you under close observation and you should regain full memory. Don't worry Edward; we will take good care of you. Is there anything you need?"

"No, I'd like to rest though. I'm tired." The nurses and doctors all left, and I was ready to follow them until I heard, "Can you stay Bella?"

I shut the door behind the doctors and turned around, returning to my seat next to his bed. "Can I see her, our baby I mean? What's her name?"

"We decided on Sophie when she was born. Her birthday is November 25th, so we didn't get to have Thanksgiving dinner with the rest of the family because she was born the day before. It snowed that day for the first time since last winter, and you said it was perfect because I love the snow. She was 7 pounds 4 ounces and 20 inches long. Here's a picture of us after she was born." I pulled out my phone and found the picture, the one that Edward looked glorious in and I looked like crap, fresh from birthing a child. Sophie with her full head of hair was between us, Edward cuddling her in his arms.

"She's beautiful. She looks so much like you, baby. Do you have a more recent one?" I nodded, and was taken aback. I hadn't heard a pet name from Edward in a while; much less feel intimate with him for the first time in almost a year.

I found one that I had taken a week ago, with Sophie dressed in a pretty pink polka dotted dress that she got from her Grandma and Grandpa Swan. "She's so beautiful. We really do make cute kids, don't we?" He put his hand on the back of my head and gently pulled my face close to his. "I don't want to feel like I could lose you ever again." He touched his lips to mine, and I reveled in the feeling before getting up and distancing myself from him.

"I, uh, I have to go. I should go home and spend time with Sophie. I haven't really been home very long in almost two days. Would you like to see Sophie tomorrow? I can bring her over."

"Yeah, sure. Sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow then." He said confused, not knowing what just happened.

"Okay." I ran out of there and quickly went to my car, tears streaming down my face as soon as I sat down. He didn't remember our baby, or our life, or even the fact that he cheated on me and this marriage was practically over. I didn't want to clue him in to that secret either, which made me a coward. I couldn't have everything I wanted, but I didn't know how to tell someone that lost almost the past year of memories that I wanted a divorce. I needed to figure it out, and it wasn't going to be solved by sitting and crying my eyes out in the car.

I found my parents as well as Edward's at my house when I arrived, and told them I would clue them in tomorrow morning. They agreed, but looked skeptical as they took in my puffy, red eyes. Sophie was already in her crib, and I kissed her forehead before collapsing in bed.


End file.
